Some Bad Puns


Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barmaid says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.  The barmaid says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra ...
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  A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says
 "A beer please, and one for the road."
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 Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
 ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.
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  Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed,
Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well" says the vet "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up
 and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally he says "I'm
going to have to put him down.""What? Just because he's cross-eyed???"
"No, because he's really, really heavy."
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I went to a seafood rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have
 your kayak and heat it too.
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Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the cannon,you drive."
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Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: A fsh.